How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
dude. I can hear the air.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
