Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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