i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
