your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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