he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
