just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
