Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
