So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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