i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
