I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
