Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
