all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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