We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
