wakey wakey hands off snakey
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
