Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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