tell your sister to shave her snatch
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
