I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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