I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
