I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Randomize
