I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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