WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
