lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
