If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
