playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
