I wish you could order shots online.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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