turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
