This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
