Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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