I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
