dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
