sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
