I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
