Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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