when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He better not be in your backpack
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
