This is not my ceiling
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Randomize
