We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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