dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
