I just made out with a guy for $7.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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