At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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