Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
