There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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