Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
there was a trapeze. enough said
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
