Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
