i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
