It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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