My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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