his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
