I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
