It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
