Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
